Problems

Sometimes I feel that ppl think stuff doesn't bother me. Honestly jus because I may seem like things are ok they really aren't. I may home around, laugh, play and have fun but deep down inside I will always know that my 4 year old daughter has cancer! Alot of ppl tell me that they are here for me but they really don't kno  that pain that I actually go through. My daughter is very different from other kids. Her skin peels, her eyes are dark and she has no hair. How do u explain all of this to a 4 year old?????? My daughter can't be her self because she might get sick out kids might treat her differently. I'm terrified to bring her around other kids Cuz I don't want her made fun of, I worry all the time. MY DAUGHTER IS STILL BEAUTIFUL AND I AM PROUD OF HER!

Faith

Everything seems to be Goin good and on schedule but.... Its jus tiring me out. Chemo appointment on mondays, blood count work on thursdays, she has to get shots every other week by US! This whole process is extremely stressful but I try to make the best out of it. Christmas is coming up and I want this to be the best christmas ever for Isyss. She been through too much and I jus feel like we kinda need to give it to her. Through everything she's been nothing but good, she only cries wen ever she sees needles which is kinda understandable despite everything she been through.Isyss has been reacting good to the chemo, idk if I wrote this in my last post but her hands and feet are starting to get darker because of the medicine. I wish there was something to make it better but its ok. As long as my princess is fine then im fine. She goes for her MRI and pt scan next month and its kinda nerve wrecking. Im extremely nervous and excited at the same time. But I have faith and I kno things are gettin better

Hanging on

A couple of days before Isyss birthday her hair started to fall out. After the party and with her scalp being so sensitive me and Dennis decided it was best to cut it rather then having her walk around with patches of hair. Since she's gotten her hair cut she loves it! I was shocked and didnt think she was Goin to do well with the hair cut. She actually said she wanted her hair cut like her daddy. With her getting the chemo its starting to make some changes.to her body. Her feet start to tingle and hurt wen she walks and the palms of her hands and bottoms of her feet are starting to get darker. I dont like the way it looks but I guess it comes with the process that shes Goin thru.

Strength

So this week was a little challenging for me. Isyss started her 2nd cycle of chemo today and she's doin rather well with it if I do say so myself but as of this week her hair started to fall out. I knew it was gonna happen and I thought I was ready. I told myself over and over again that I was ready and I was gonna buy her all these pretty headbands and maybe even a wig so she wouldn't feel.so different but then reality hit me, and it hit me like a mack truck.   I knew it was gonna happen but wen I saw it coming out I was kind of devestated. It really broke my heart when she said ”mommy can u put it back in?” I honestly didnt know wat to do. I've told her that the medicine that she takes is going to make her hair fall out and she seems pretty ok with it, she actually told.she she wanted her hair like her daddy. I laughed a lil cuz she was serious and I thought it was cute.  I dont think I will ever be ok about the situation but if my baby can be strong about it then I dont see y I can't.

Recovery

It's the night before my princess 3rd chemo treatment and I still get nervous. She's been taking the chemo very well but I still get nervous. Before she gets the chemo she takes some anti nausea medicine to help with her with nausea. They even gave me some to take home but surprisingly she hasnt needed it yet, which is a good thing. She hasn't really asked any questions as to why we always Goin to the doctor or why she's always getting needles but im kind of happy she hasn't because I really dont kno how to tell her. Tomorrow is her 3rd chemo treatment and lets hope it all.keeps Goin smooth and jus pray for recover!

Day 3

So chemo started for my baby on tuesday and she handled it rather well. After she got it we went home and hung out and she was get fun lil self. On wednesday she woke up perfectly fine the as the day was Goin she started gettin warmer & warmer. The doctor tells me since she doesn't gave a spleen I have to bring her to the hospital every time she gets a fever cuz she needs  antibiotics. So I bought her in thinking they was jus Goin to give her the antibiotics but boy wad I wrong. We ended up getting admitted and having all these blood tests done on her which I understand because they needed to find out if there was an infection, I jus didn't think we would be here til saturday morning (tomorrow). I how she doesn't get fever every time she gets her chemo. As of right more she's very good and her fever had been broken for 48 hours so homebound we should be tomorrow.

When it rains it pours

October 2012 has been the worst month of my life. Me and my fiance took my princess to the er tuesday morning on oct 9 thinking she jus had a belly ache. They gave her an enema and she pooped but her belly still felt like it had a rock in it. After 2 xrays they finally told us that her spleen was enlarged. ????? I didnt kno wat to say or even think. Her spleen was supposed to be 7cm and at the time we brought her in it had grown to 17cms. Shr was there for 2 days and during that time she had an MRI done, her stomach pumped and numerous amounts of blood work done. That thursday night my baby was transferred to another hospital which in my opinion was better because their main focus was children. That friday morning I woke up with her and waited for my parents to come so I can head home, get changed and head to work. I was at work for no more then 2hrs b4 tgey told me my daughter had to get surgery. I ran out of work like the building was on fire. On of the worst moments if my life was watching them roll my first born into the operating room and closing the doors. I broke down and cried uncontrollably as I waited then went and got some air and food. My daughter was in the hospital for a total of 11 days. She begged and cried to go home but she jus couldnt and it hurt my heart to see her that way. the stress level between everyone is crazy. We all jus want wats best for her but in the process we might bump heads. Upon her discharge she had a pet scan done then had to come back that monday and have a cat scan done  on her. We had to come back and meet with the doctor on tuesday so he can share the results with us. On October 25 my life has changed forever. The doctor has informed us that my princess had cancer! My mind went blank, my body shut down and I couldn't hear anything. It jus couldn't be. Why my baby? Why not me? Shes too young. She hasn't even lived her life yet and yet she has cancer. This is way too much for me to handle. I kno god has everything in his hands but its hard not to worry when its your baby.